By Ron McCarley

The information contained in this article is false.   Any confusion created by the author is purposeful, intended and entirely the fault of the reader.   

• Newspapers by 2030 will print special editions devoted solely to obituaries, the result of climate change.
• All those climate books, written by people with degrees in basket-weaving and the like, are unbiased and objective, while real climatologists should be ignored and vilified. 
• Wind turbines are reliable, never-failing, with useful lives as long as any conventional utility.   And ice throw, bearing failures, parasitic power consumption, numerous raptor kills, fires, pulsing sounds, shadow flicker, or blade separations are all figments of someone’s evil imagination.
• Those buried, ancient tree stumps that we find under receding glaciers were actually placed there by climate deniers to trick the public.
• The media are an unbiased, objective source of climate information.   They’re only liberal when discussing other subjects.
• We know a lot about coral reefs prior to 1980.
• The data shows that the forward movement of hurricanes has stalled the last 50 years.
• Temperatures today are unprecedented, and extreme weather only gets worse with warming, but not cold.
• We know exactly how many species exist today, somewhere between 8 million and 1000 million (1 billion to science enthusiasts).   So we’ve developed a really good algorithm based on those numbers.
• It’s easy to obtain an accurate temperature reading from an official world thermometer sitting close to a BBQ grill, on a roof, or in a paved parking lot.   Government policies are never based on this type of information.
• Ocean water, being 800X more dense than air, changes temperature readily when exposed to air, even though the water is generally warmer than the air above.   And the Sun has nothing to do with it. Who cares about the laws of thermodynamics?
• Drought problems never get worse when climate cools.
• The poor prosper when the world fights global warming.   All those deaths from smoke inhalation due to lack of electricity, and child blindness from vitamin deficiencies, are faked.
• Sea levels can be measured better by satellites 800 miles away in space, rather than by a gauge mounted at the water’s edge.   And the apparent acceleration in sea level rise doesn’t coincide with the shift to satellite measurements in the early 1990’s.   
• Everyone knows that Kilimanjaro’s glaciers are disappearing due to melt, cause Gore implied that.   And sublimation due to lack of humidity from cutting down local forests has nothing to do with it.
• No, 95 percent of species extinctions don’t happen when an invasive species, like a cat, is introduced onto an island.   And all those affected species are mammals, not insects, spiders, amoeba, and the like. You know, slugs are people too.
• It’s a lie that we only understand 10 percent of climate.   The “consensus” rules.
• An El Nino only affects air temperatures when it occurs, and the associated 2 foot plus drop in western Pacific sea levels has no effect on shallow corals.
• Experts, such as the French meteorologist and the Australian reef specialist, weren’t fired for expressing their climate alarm skepticism.   They just took extended, indefinite, unpaid vacations. And Heidi Cullen of the Weather Channel never suggested that dissenting meteorologists be decertified.
• No one would ever alter historical, established temperatures to make today’s temperatures appear worse.   And the Medieval Warm Period or the Roman Optimum never happened. 
• Scientists don’t make wild, unsupported, speculative guesses about future temperatures to influence.   They certainly would never let their dependency on government climate grants interfere with their professional judgement.   The scientific method rules.
• Facing overwhelming scientific evidence against disastrous global warming, climate alarmists admitted they were wrong and had made it all up.  
• All those pesky little theories that suggest no climate disaster is coming, like polar amplification, tropospheric hotspot, diurnal temperature range, stratospheric cooling, and logarithmic/selective filtering properties of CO2, don’t need to be discussed with the general public.   Uh oh, that last one is true. 

c 2019 Ron McCarley